Loser Tries to Explain Herself, Comes Across Even Sadder

This winter (and last fall) I've been wearing the heck out of my Stark toque, and while I've worn it I've been asked a lot of questions about Game of Thrones. Now, I don't mean like once or twice, I mean like all of the time. Sometimes the people asking me are friends, sometimes complete strangers in line at the grocery store. The most common question is "when's the new season starting?", but I've also had gems like "Is Tyrion (or the funny dwarf guy) still on there?", "What's the name of that cool chick with the dragons?", "How many seasons are there so far?", and "Didn't all those guys die (lol)?".

Kind of an old picture from last September but I didn't want to take a new one. Focus on the hat. The hat. Ignore awkward pose. I was studying. Ignore it. The hat. The hat. 

When I bought the hat, I never would have imagined this result. It's not that weird, but it's unexpected. I thought the hat would be no different from the likes of a STARWARS t-shirt, which seems to go through society without bringing up any questions, but it's not. Maybe just the fact that the word 'Stark' is written across my forehead rather than my chest is enough to call more attention to it, and maybe this speaks to the universal acknowledgement of Game of Thrones that everyone knows about it, and, apparently, has questions. To my credit, I've accepted my role as a compendium of knowledge about the show, and I answer questions about the new season like a walking advertisement, but I still think it's really fucking weird.

Anyway, back to blogging!

Oh, I miss blog time. Did you guys know that I blogged more in 2013 than I have all of the years since I started this blog? I was wondering why that was the case, and I don't think it's just because I was particularly interested in blogging last year, I think it's because my life is more exciting these days. No wait, that makes me sound like a loser. My life just has more happenings. I'm doing more things. This isn't helping, is it?

Reading week has gone away, and I miss it terribly. It's not so much the free time that I miss, but (loser time again) having people around.  Being back in Guelph I keep wanting to tell people arbitrary things about my day, like the other night I swear I felt the ground shake in my kitchen. I know it didn't, but I felt it. It was weird, but not at all important or significant. If I lived with friends/family I would have told them about it. But I don't. It would have made for a really odd and hard to understand text. So I didn't say anything. To anybody. And I miss banal conversations with people around me!

Doughnuts and Buffy. Man, it was a good week.

We also found a T-Rex in the living room. I'm telling you, it was a fucking exciting week.

(Loser time) I'm just  not around people that much anymore... Which sounds... bad? I see people in class, and I talk to them, but... that's it? Kind of. Sometimes. This semester has been reminding me a lot of first year, actually. I guess the main change is that one of my closest friends is away on exchange this semester (it's so cool- she's in England- she's so cool- it sounds amazing). She was my go-to pal for... actually pretty much everything so her absence has impacted my life quite a bit. She also reads this blog. I MISS YOU, MAN.

I'm making this sound really sad and awful, but it's not that bad. I have a lot of experience as a hermit and that is at least partially because I don't mind the lifestyle. I'm not huge on socializing, especially unexpectedly. Not unexpectedly in the "oh no, surprise encounter!" sense but more of a if I'm not in the mood to talk to people and I come across people I'm not very good at people. I am a homebody and I do appreciate time spent by myself, but over the holidays I spoil myself with a constant availability of companionship that I miss when I'm in Guelph. Hopefully that explains my situation a little bit better. I'm not drowning in the loneliness, a lot of the time I'm pretty fond of lone-ness, but I miss my best pal and my fam, which wouldn't be bad if they weren't all gone at the same time. Make sense?

Reading it over I still sound like I'm either crying myself to sleep every night or am in fact a weird sociopath that hates people. I guess I can't express this morning. I'm happy, internet! I swear!

I swear!

Oh, I just remembered that I sat down to write this to update you on my job search. I got one job (for next school year) and didn't get the other. So overall I'm thinking yay! Employment!

X-MAS 2013 - A LOW DOWN.

BOOM. Christmas 2013! It happened. I made cookies. In response to my last post, I think I rose to the challenge pretty darn well and have officially regained my mojo.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL. Bonus points if you can name them all. I got carried away once I mastered the Star fleet uniform.

Overall Christmas was a success! Like last year we ended up hosting the Christmas party thing for my Dad's work. That's always kinda fun and kinda boring. It was better than last year in that there were fewer people and it was less party hardy and more relaxed in atmosphere. I actually quite enjoy entertaining because I like preparing for things and I can (rarely and when the occasion requires it) cook, so it's always fun helping out Mom with this sort of thing. The fact that Mom really loves doing it is also a huge plus. Whatever makes my mother happy inevitably makes the rest of us happy as well, even just to see her enjoying herself. WE LOVE YOU MOM.

I also spent most of Christmas playing Batman: Arkham Origins, which was a truly fantastic early Christmas present. Those games are just so wonderful. From start to finish- pure joy. This is the first game in the series where I've been taking my time with completion of the story, mainly because whenever I'm home I always worry that I'm not spending enough time with the family, and while I don't mind playing games in the living room with everyone, sometimes it can be a little distracting. It affects my immersion, man! Escapism! Anyway I might talk more about the game once I've completed the main story, until then I'm officially reserving judgement (unlike the Knight... badum-tiss).

So after all that Mom and I flew out on Boxing Day and headed up to Ottawa to break-in the new year with the boys. Here are some shots of the skies over Ottawa and two very sleepy travelers about 16 hours into their journey.

Blurry because I haven't mastered the focus on my phone camera yet. Lolz! It was very cold when we arrived. I kept warm via selfies.

The boys actually had lots of presents waiting for me under the tree, which was a lovely surprise! I'd been utterly content with Origins, but I feel that Yoshi slippers are always a plus. And more selfies!

Hilariously a lot of those presents are actually wrapped up empty boxes because Colin likes to fill up the tree with presents. But that's cool, right? If it works for the stores it works for the home! We've also started the tradition of wrapping everything. Everything. If you ask someone to pick up some coffee that's on sale it'll go under the tree for Christmas. Unwrapping things is fun!

It's been nice seeing my brothers again. Kevin's actually moving out soon, so he's been busy getting ready for that. It's strange. Until now I feel like every change that's happened has done so because it had to. We all moved out to go to university, and when both of my brothers came to Ottawa they got an apartment. It's different this time. Tensions are high. Adult life is odd.

I got my marks back from last semester! My best yet, I'm very very very pleased to say. One thing that's always fun about Dad's work gatherings is that I get to hear how he talks about me to his coworkers, and a little parental gushing is always a nice treat. All evidence indicates pride in their daughter, so it would appear that I'm doing my job there. And I finished a short story! Wild, I know. I finished my most recently started story, too. But don't get too excited, it's not really done done, just technically done in that all of the bits are written, but I'm not nearly convinced that they're written WELL yet. You'll never guess what it's about. It may involve androids, space travel, genetic engineering and discussion on the concept of humanity. Like I said, it's really rough around the edges right now but if I can finagle it into saying what I want it to say then I think it'll be something for me to be proud of. Accomplishment!

Overall: a successful Christmas.

As for New Years I have no photos and not really any stories to tell? Not a bad thing! I had a night in with the fam (or most of it). We played Catan, ate lots of food, played Animal Crossing and watched Ace Ventura. It was great! It's possible I'll have more to say about New Year's Day as it continues, but I'm hoping it'll shape up to be just as blissfully uneventful.

Life Continues Gloriously and I Play Video Games. Fantastically.

Well now, blogging kind of escaped me for a while there. I had nothing to talk about. Lots of lovely nothings to fascinate and enthrall you all, as usual, and I'm sorry you've missed them. Should I do another run down about what happened in the last month and a bit? Stuff happened. I finished my first semester of third year, and I think it went really well. Possibly my best semester yet, not because I worked especially hard, which I certainly did not, but because I didn't have any courses that were impossible to do well in. Not only were all my professors good (or goodish, anyway) but I actually liked all of my courses. This semester was important for me partially because it was the first semester where I didn't have to take any of the courses I chose, and by that I mean that they weren't prerequisites for either my degree or another course I wanted to take. All five of my courses were chosen by me, for me. And it actually turned out really well! This was especially significant for my science course, because I'd previously been very disappointed with my grades and lack of enjoyment in my bio courses, and this semester I got to take a course that I didn't have to take and in a specialization that high school Ronnie would have never, ever, in a million million years, have taken. Turns out not only do I enjoy botany, but I'm actually pretty good at it as well.

But now that's all over, and as sad as it sounds I am still a child and I cannot wait to get back to school with a fresh attitude and work ethic in January. I know. Where is my slacker student spirit? Lost forever, I can only hope.

Not to say that I'm not looking forward to my holidays! Oh, I so am. I'm back home now, in Tobago, and it's been lovely. I feel like I haven't done very much at all, but it's early days. I have a few plans and of course, some work to get done, but all work that I enjoy and am generally looking forward to. Can this be life forever? Fingers crossed, because I don't see why not. Also can you see that picture??? Google figured out it was a Christmas tree and so naturally IT MADE THE LIGHTS TWINKLE. What is this brave new world that has such programs in't???

If there is one thing I could complain about, it would, so ironically, be the weather. It's been so windy lately! I mean yeah, it's warm and all, and to be honest I like a nice breeze more than anything down here. Hot weather and I don't generally get along without one. But this is gale force winds! And that was an exaggeration! Still, it's been too windy to sit outside and read a book so that means too windy for me. Mainly I've been sitting inside, playing Animal Crossing, doing some baking, and showering a lot. Is that weird? I've been showering a lot. I swear I'm not dirty, I'm just really loving cleanliness? Maybe this is an indication that I want to hit the pool. We shall see. I was going to take some pictures of my baking, because I was so excited, but it was actually a monumental failure. I hadn't realized how out of practice I was, and it did take me a couple of trays to get back into the swing of things. Naturally my ego and I had been playing up the occasion of Christmas baking quite a bit, so the ol' pride took a bit of a hit, but I'll make up for it. The next seven days are going to be so fucking festive, I'll make this family cry. Cry for more cookies, that is. I'll keep you updated.

I also made an alt character in Animal Crossing! I know. God, I know. I have been playing too much. I wouldn't even mind if I'd been playing some other games too, but I haven't. I haven't been playing anything. Just AC...

This is my new character. I'd tell you his name, but I'm assuming I don't have to. When I told my mom I was making a male character, she didn't even need to ask... I did love that he was already wearing a red shirt, though. And that hair style. Suddenly my town looks like the setting for a perfect self insert. I'm okay with that? I needed the storage!

What even happened this October?

So I carved my very first pumpkin this Halloween! As you can see I went for the traditional look, and I think it came out pretty well! Kind of want to make this a new tradition but I haven’t roasted the seeds yet (that’s tonight’s adventure!) so I think we’ll have to wait and see how they turn out. Naturally, I’ll let you know.

Other things that have happened since I last posted were Thanksgiving 2013, which was lovely. The nice thing about living away is that it makes family gatherings extra extra special. Mom and Dad both flew up to Ottawa for the weekend so it was kinda perfect. It was also a little bit sad though because Christmas this year is officially messed up. Now that Kevin has a full time job (rollin’ in the cash- the jerk) he isn’t swimming in free time, even around the holidays, and since Dad’s working Christmas (again) it doesn’t look like we’re going to have a Kratz family reunion. Alas, growing up. Luckily I’m still fun and fancy free come mid-December onwards so it’s not getting me down too much. But enough of that holiday cheer! Let’s get back to the real world! School!

School has been weird. I haven’t been feeling like myself at all lately. For one thing, I keep sleeping in. I’m actually late to class on a regular basis now, which is bizarre. I’ve always been the kind of person who needs to be early for things. I like to be wherever I need to be before anyone else, especially when it comes to classes. For some reason this year I can’t seem to get moving in the morning, and even when I know I’m going to be late, it just doesn’t bother me. Generally I have a harder time getting things done in the fall semester anyways (never been sure why, but the winter semester is always my most productive time of year) so I’m trying not to worry myself, but I really hope this isn’t going to be a permanent change! I miss super-keen me.

I also think I’m spending too much money. This kind of relates to the above because, in general, I’ve never had a problem with getting my thrift on and being the cheapest student I could be. While that hasn’t changed I keep finding myself splurging for no real reason, and with Christmas coming up there’s no foreseeable end to this guilt trip. I have a feeling it’ll all be okay in the end, though. It’s just the right now that I’m worried about.

Oh, and I’ve also chosen my courses for next semester. It’s looking like I’ll only have class Tuesdays and Thursdays, which I have very mixed feelings about, so we’ll see how it all works out.

I think that’s a pretty good update on my life lately! Crunch time is coming up with regards to the semesters assignments, so wish me luck with that!

Young Girl Smacked in the Face with Adulthood at 9:05 Yesterday Morning

So I'm twenty now.

Despite this impressive age I've managed to attain, I got excited like a five year old on my birthday. The night before I was giddy, and I spent pretty much all of Friday with a big, stupid grin plastered all over my face. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I started my day with a google hangout with my Mom before leaving for class. And that Spiderman present I've been holding on to? Nailed it. Totally a book.



But I didn't have a clue that it was Hyrule Historia!!! The best part about this present is that not only will it look fantastic on my shelf/beside me forever, but it came at the perfect time. I've been listening to the 25th Anniversary Legend of Zelda Symphony Orchestra CD all month and I've been dying to dive back into Majora's Mask. In summary, I have been in such a Zelda lately, and now I have this. Joy.

What I didn't know was that there was another little surprise in that bag, these lovely, lovely sterling silver (right? I think that's right.) celtic earings. So pretty. If I didn't mention it, I trained my ears to wear earings again this summer. After around six years of never really wearing them this was very exciting and totally worth the pain. Since the summer I've been wearing earrings almost every day, so this was, once again, the perfect gift. All of my gifts were perfect, I guess, because I don't think that something purchased with love for you could ever be less than perfection. Gift giving trumps all.



My whole family, but especially my mother has kind of a thing for anything celtic, so I like that these earrings make me think of her. Also Charmed. But that also makes me think of comfy afternoons couching-it with Mom and plowing through a few seasons of our favorite witch-y show.

As you might imagine, with all this excitement, I was late to my 10:30 class. To my credit, I was only around ten minutes late, but still. Eventually I ran into the two best friends in all the world, and more gifts were given. I'm just going to put pictures of all of them here because let's face it, you can show off on your birthday. It's not my birthday anymore but let's pretend that the rules still apply.

I got some German coffee that I am rather excited to enjoy. Another addition of the summer was a kind of addiction to caffine, which I'm pretty much over now but I do still really enjoy a good cup of Joe. Plus isn't this just the perfect present for a student? The answer is yes- yes it is.



Along with this I got a glorious Clinique Chubby Stick. It's in the shade 'Whopping Willow', which is really (I imagine) just a typo for 'Whomping Willow'. But you guys. This colour. You guys. Let's go full beauty blog on this and swatch it. Oh yes.



I feel I should offer some form of explanation here. Remember last winter when I got crazy into vlogs on youtube? This summer that subscription sphere grew to absorb beauty channels, and now... yeah. Make-up. I cannot wait to get this shit all over my face. It may seem kind of weird for a twenty year old woman to only now be delving into the world of make-up, but just shush. It's not weird at all. I've been busy. Point is, perfect present, because I would never have bought something like this for myself.

But that's not all! I feel like my friends really upped the game on birthday presents this year, to which all I can say is challenge accepted. I got this Star Trek Earl Grey tea (it smells out of this fucking world). I have to say that the tea itself is a ridiculous bonus to the prettiness of the actual tin it comes in. I also got the Teatanic, which is a tea infuser SHAPED LIKE THE TITANIC. I know, right? This gift was perfection because I have this weird thing. I'm not sure how to explain it. Essentially I consider time in relation to the day the Titanic sank. For instance, WWII started in 1939, right? So to give myself some perspective on the world at this time, I just automatically think to myself, 'oh, that's 27 years after the Titanic sank'. It honestly does help me picture the time period even though I wouldn't say that I have a crystal clear picture of 1912 or anything, it's just... this thing that I do. Teatanic!



As for my actual day, after classes I went shopping with friends and had the best time considering that I have no money, and then I actually had to go to a student involvement training thing on campus for like two and half hours. Not my favorite birthday activity, but hey. We got free dinner. After that it was off to finish The Hobbit with tea and my personal favorite, cake. My friend baked this for me last night. It's true. She baked it for me.

The only thing better than how pretty it looks is how delicious it tasted. And it was full of apples. Guys, I love apples. She baked this. We ate it while we watched The Hobbit. It was like a dream come true.

As a side note about that movie, does anyone else feel like it's sort of a dream when they watch it? I feel that I was waiting for this movie to be made and to come out for so many years that sometimes I still can't believe that it's actually a thing that exists now. Every time I watch it I'm struck by this happiness that this is a thing that exists in real life, not just in my head. It's like when I was little and I got a Buffy the Vampire Slayer advent calendar in the shops. That was a thing that existed, and I was there when it did. Happiness!

After the movie I caught a bus home and played Majora's Mask for about fourty minutes before going to sleep. It may sound like a boring way to end a birthday, but to be honest I think I've done something exciting every Friday night since school started and it was euphoric to be able to spent this Friday scarfing down an amazing cake with some friends and enjoy my favorite story ever happen on the screen in front of me. Ending that magic with going to sleep in my own bed was icing on a fabulous birthday cake.

Birthday #20: Successful.

"Tahraaahnah" is evidently how the cool kids say it. Stick with me, kid.

Did I ever tell you guys about my love affair with big cities?

I have one.

After thinking about it, I've been living in coastal areas all my life, essentially moving from one small town to another. Guelph is the 'biggest' place I've lived in, unless you count Ottawa. Can I count Ottawa? I'm here like four months of the year. I don't know. Either way, I want to try living in a big city. And it's not just because small towns are, in general, creepy, inbred, devoid of all life and miserable (though lets be honest, they are). I love the energy, life, and size of the big cities. Anywhere that contains so many humans has to be something amazing, right? Because we're amazing. Hurrah for the  human race. Go us.

Anyway, the point of this post is to say that I had a recent trip to Toronto where these feelings were solidified. Toronto is awesome and wonderful. It is vibrant, and I want to be a part of it. My parents are both Torontonians, which I think I've actually mentioned before, so I think it's almost a duty I have to my heritage to discover their city and make it my own. At least for a little while.

For instance, this shot (which turned out waaay too bright) was taken in front of old City Hall, where my parents got married. : ) It's actually the exact spot where their sort of 'most used' wedding photo was taken. If I had it scanned I'd do a comparison shot, because it's pretty neat and time travel-y to look at them together. Especially since you can see that all those little signs around me are no-smoking signs, and in my parent's wedding photo Dad is of course holding a cigarette. We live in such a different world.

Also you see that purse? It is wonderful. It is so pretty and so functional.

As for the trip, it was super-fun! I went with my Mom to visit her sister, whom I hadn't seen in a very, very long time. I'm not especially close with any family that isn't immediate, but visiting always makes me wish that I were. When I become an aunt, hopefully this blog post will remind me to be annoyingly close to my little nieces and nephews.

Also, final thought - another thing that I love and completely don't care if it sounds horrendously childish is dressing thematically for movies. It doesn't have to be obnoxious, but it damn well should be. I feel like if everyone only went to see movies they were willing to dress thematically for they wouldn't be nearly so busy and you wouldn't always end up sitting beside someone who chose to have a coughing fit throughout Man of Steel rather than go home and hack a lung out in the comfort of their own bed. 

...Go human race! Yeah...

I guess that's it! Just a little post this time. Short posts can be fun too. I think I'm doing a lot of museums and galleries and far too many trips to Value Village so that I don't really feel as though I'm out of school and jobless for the summer. Does that mean success? I think it does. Yeah.

STAR WARS Identified... With Twi'leks!

I went to the STAR WARS: Identities exhibit at the Canadian Aviation and Space Museum last week! I heard about the exhibit in March, so the excitement as been building up for a while now and I'm happy to say that I really enjoyed it! If you're in the Ottawa area I highly recommend the trip out to see it (and if you aren't in the Ottawa area, the exhibit should be heading to other cities soon).

Top among my favorites at the exhibit was Anakin's podracer from The Phantom Menace. Big and impressive props are always a winner for me. I think scale is my favorite thing about movie or television related exhibits. I love being able to stand in front of the podracer and appreciate how large it actually is, or discover that Chewbaca is in fact ridiculously tall. How did he even fit into that cockpit. I don't know. In any case, seeing them in person is like creating a new moment or a new experience with something that's been with you for a long time, which, for many of these guys, means as far back as I can remember. Plus podracers are totally awesome.

Of course one of the best experiences was going face to face with the actual Yoda. One of the things I noticed when we got home and (naturally) started to watch all of the movies, was that there weren't any cool things from the gungans, or the new clone troopers (aside from a few neat concept drawings/sculptures), because of course, there are essentially no props. You can't come face to face with  Jar Jar because he never had a face outside of a screen. So I think we can officially list the lack of physical props as another negative of relying too heavily on CGI. I'm not going to attack the prequels, but I do think that puppetry is the way to go for realism, and puppetry with CGI enhancements might be even better.

They have Jaba's eyes. Just his eyes. Apparently that's all that's left of the enormous puppet built for Return of the Jedi. There's just these two big eyes on sticks, staring at you. I found them so incredibly cool, and I think they might have been my favorite thing in the whole exhibition. I don't know why, but my mind just keeps going back to them.

They still have his eyes.

I feel obligated by eight-year-old Ronnie to mention Padme's clothes. They only had three of her outfits, and my pictures didn't really come out (in my defense, lighting was shit and I was, according to my family, "taking way too long") but I still loved loved loved this. I can't be the only one who derived at least part of my love of Star Wars from the pretty outfits. They had so many clothes. It was so pretty. We're talking Leia's slave outfit (which included cute little boots I've never noticed before!), Leia's Hoth outfit, Padme's ceremony gown from Phantom Menace, her Attack of the Clones outfit (with wicked-awesome poncho wrap thing), and a random but gorgeous senator outfit. They didn't have Leia's Bespin outfit, which is, for whatever reason, my favorite. And  they didn't have Padme's classic red gown/headdress or Leia's classic white outfit, which was odd. But still. So pretty. I was so happy. I said earlier that I wasn't going to attack the prequels (even if, perhaps, I should) because one thing that the exhibit did remind me of was that I loved all of the Star Wars movies growing up. Phantom Menace came out when my brother's and I were kids, and we loved them. We didn't care that there was an annoying kid, or that the plot made little to no sense, or that none of the characters had any depth whatsoever. It was still Star Wars and we loved every second of it.

The exhibition does cost a pretty penny to get in, but if you're a fan of the series then I think it'll be worth the money to see some really cool stuff. : )

The 'Identities' part of the exhibit relates to the interactive activity they had were you 'build' your own Star Wars character. I really liked it! It was essentially a real-life self-insert, and I wish they had this for everything. Everything. It also reminded me of why Star Wars: The Old Republic is so much fun - because you're immersing yourself in that wonderful universe. You started off by choosing your species, and they recorded all of your choices in a bracelet you wore throughout so that at the end, you could see your character and their bio which was emailed to you. Naturally, I was a Twi'lek. I think we can officially say that a new life-goal is to write a book centered around the life of a Twi'lek. Anyway, as you went through the exhibit you chose your characters skills, upbringing-style, planet of origin (Bespin, of course), mentor, occupation, friendships, as well as other things, and ultimately you had to choose whether or not you would align yourself with the dark or light side of the force. My family and I mutually agreed that it would have been way cooler if the exhibit took all of your choices and told you what side of the force you came out on, but it was a really neat activity all the same. Check out Onnie-Ka, my Twi'lek senator. Because senators can be cool too.

My Degree is Half Full!

New layout, new design, new title, new blog!

I get the strange feeling that this blog gets a revamp every time exams season rears its ugly head. In any case, hope you like it! I think it's much more neat and clear than previously. When I was designing it the comic theme just kind of asserted itself, and I think it works.

Obviously I haven't been keeping up with the blog this semester so I'll just jump right on in to the complexities of my life.

It's the end of my second year of university! And I'm starting to get really excited for third year. As of this semester I got a lot of prereqs out of the way and can focus entirely on taking the courses that are interesting and significant to what I want to do in my life. I suppose that's where the trouble begins, really. Next year these courses really will count towards whatever it is I do with my life after my undergrad. My marks have to be better than ever and just the thought of that is exhausting. Not only that, but this semester I've been elected president of the student organization that I'm involved with on campus. The world now has to refer to me as madam president. Also I don't think I can adequately describe how much it means to me that I've been given this incredible responsibility. On the one hand, yeah, it's just a club but on the other hand it's my go-to example of something that I just dove into without really thinking (or over-thinking) and I've actually succeeded. Not that I don't ever succeed at things, but this was different. I'd never done anything like student government before, but in first year I just picked up a form and decided it was something that I wanted to do. That kind of direction and, frankly, stalwart optimism that things weren't going to blow up horribly in my face is kind of the way I want to live my life.

So in other words, I sort of don't want to fuck next year up.

It's exciting, but also very worrisome. On top of this stress heap I also have teetering the monumental issue of not having anywhere to live for next year. I know things will work out (see that optimism? See how good I'm getting?) but I just want to run out and sort them right now. I keep finding myself caught in this very awkward life stage somewhere between relying on parents and relying on myself. I know it's a learning process for the parents too, they don't really know when to assign me to helm control for my life and I don't really know when to maneuver. Somehow I feel like the confusion is driving us towards the edge of a cliff and into a deep dark crevasse of adulthood (optimism gone), but I had been picturing a spaceship with this driving analogy so cliff sides shouldn't be a thing. In a perfect world I don't want to have to worry about stupid and largely pointless things like where I'm going to live for eight months of the year.

Overall, the future looks bright, even if there is a thunderstorm rolling through Guelph this fine evening. My spirits shan't be dampened! I found an incredible masters program at the University of Glasgow last week, and after what could accurately be called the year where I didn't know where the hell I was going with all of this education shit, I think I may finally have a new goal. Her name is MLitt in Environment, Culture, and Communication, and I think you're going to like her.

Final note- I just discovered upon tagging this post that I last tagged 'Glasgow' when blogging about my acceptance out of grade 12. Well, I can't really afford her, but she clearly wants me. ; )

Name-day is Coming

In a few hours it'll be my birthday, so I wanted to write-up a quick post about this:

I have no idea why the picture quality is so bad, but this is the birthday present that my Dad and brothers gave me the morning I moved back to Guelph. The ribbon-y bit is actually strips of A4, which, along with the rest of the wrapping job was courtesy of Colin. It was a lovely surprise, but I was charged with the seemingly impossible task of holding onto it without opening it until my birthday.  This seemed like crazy-talk, and it still kinda does, but because we all live so far apart there's no way for me to go home or receive any presents on my birthday, so my Dad wanted to make sure that I had something on the morning-of. Very sweet. Now, at long last, that day is tomorrow. I wanted to blog about this partly so that I can remember the month of diligence that was September 2012, and also to complain about not getting to open my prezzie yet.

Tomorrow I'm not doing much, might see a few peeps around campus, but sadly I have to focus on finishing the assignments that I should be doing right now. Friday is where the fun begins, and a small but delightful birthday celebrations is planned. Friends, food, Game of Thrones drinking games; a.k.a happiness.

We haven't decided on definite rules yet, but a quick Google search came up with some pretty good ones, even a picture:

I like the idea of playing as different houses, but poor student can't afford such a variety of drinks... Maybe my next post will feature the Ronnie Game of Thrones drinking game!

And because I know you've been waiting for it, and in case the title wasn't enough... Winter is coming.

Three Strikes and We're Out

As of this September, I am an only child.

It doesn't really sound too surprising that though I've known this day would come since forever, it never really clicked. I couldn't even imagine life when all of my siblings entered the brave new world that is higher education. As a little shout out to my fellow youngests, I think that being the last to leave the nest is one of the harder burdens life places on us. A family separated, even on the nicest of terms (like university) is like the leftover scraps from a Sunday roast. Those left behind after the feast huddle together in shared little containers since they don't need the big plate anymore. It's not completely over, they can still be reheated and reunited in the microwave, but it just doesn't taste the same. No matter how close it is you still spend most of your time in the refrigerator.

It's an awkward comparison when I think about it too literaly (sounds like some post-apocalyptic survivor story - screw the matrix, we're really leftovers in the fridge), but right now I feel like the scraggly strips of roast someone left behind on their plate.

In my experience the parents always cry when they drop the first born and second born and so on off at the campus, or worse (and in my case) the airport. It's the younger siblings job to look on proudly, with a smile that says 'Good job! You finally made it!' The parents will always have a harder time than the siblings. I've never been alone to deal with the parental aftermath of saying goodbye before. I came home from school and my parents were sitting around, saying nothing. I didn't figure out why until I said something and discovered the terrible echo in the house.

Last weekend we moved me into my second brothers nicer, brighter, and bigger room. I still turn the wrong way at the top of the stairs, but I'm slowly adjusting. It doesn't look like my brothers room anymore, but my ownership of it feels weirdly temporary. I suppose it is; next September my mother gets to cry her last baby goodbye. In some ways I see this as a good thing. In most ways I see this as a good thing. Other times I don't want to think about what it'll be like for my parents, that boundless pride mixed with overwhelming sadness, and dusting off another empty room every once in a while... Progress is progress, however, and growing up is impossible without the crucial 'moving on' phase. Still, I wonder how they'll fight the echo when I'm not there to be loud.

We spend a lot more time together now, I think. We watch shows (V, currently). We invite people over for dinner. We don't play cards anymore (something that was once a nightly ritual for my family). Euchre is a four person game.

It's not all doom and gloom; like I said, we hit the microwave every now and then with phone calls and the wonders of Skype. But there's an awful lot of fridge time... Then again, it's only September, and the perks of being an only child (the disappearance of the want/need barrier) are a nice comfort.

As a side, I give you a view from my new bedroom window. It looks far more impressive in real life. Still, only in Trinidad, eh?