How-To: Write a Balling Essay For Sure

Say "hello" to 14 pages of GREATNESS.

Finishing off my third year of university, I like to think that I know what's what when it comes to writing essays, and I've always wanted to start doing some 'Guide to Life' type of posts on this blog, so I thought now would be a great time!

Here are a few of my best tips for how to write an essay that you're proud of. These are just a few things that work for me personally, but who knows- maybe they'll work for you, too! I'm leaving out most of the obvious tricks, like reading it out loud to make sure it flows, and framing your quotations properly.  These are some things that I either know a lot of people don't do, or that I think should be appreciated more.

TIP #1: ON PICKING A TOPIC...
This is the only one of my tips that really depends on your situation. You don't always get to pick your topic, and the worst essays are always going to be the one's that give you no freedom to create. Even a strict outline can be killer when it comes to figuring out what you want to write about.

But, sometimes you get a wonderful class, and all you have to do is write an essay. Cherish these moments, and don't squander them! Don't just pick any old topic, really think about it! I usually sit myself down and have a serious brainstorming session. Generally I've found the perfect topic to be something that you know just enough about to know that you're interested in learning more. Avoid topics that you've done before. It may seem easier but it's going to feel like you're writing the same essay as the last time, and unless that's what you're going for, the repetition is going to kill you creatively. It's the discovery of new information and new points of view inspiring your own ideas that make essay writing fun. No, I'm serious. Essays can be fun. Say it with me. They can!

And obviously, don't worry about specificity. General topics are the best topics. Start with one theme of one book and see what small aspect you want to focus on later. Even when classes make you hand in a proposal, remember that those aren't contracts, things will change once you start writing.

TIP #2: ON TAKING NOTES...
The more you read, the better your essay will be. Again, this goes without saying. But I do have a few tips on how to make the transition from research to fabulous essay as smooth and possible.

Make sure that whatever you read- you're taking notes on it. Not only does this help when it comes time to referencing and figuring out where these ideas came from, but your essay is going to be born from your research notes. When I say that, I mean two things. First, if you write six pages of research, then that's effectively six pages of your essay already written, and you haven't even started it yet. Second, and my most important trick, is to write down and explain everything. Don't just take notes about what the author is saying in the article, write down what you think. Interpret. Criticize. Relate it to the work your studying right there in the notes. This is where your notes become your essay, and this is where those interesting ideas are forming in your head. Write down every thought process exactly where it happened, and under what article.

If you're feeling brave, multi-task with Elementary! I'm sure you'll get TONS of work done! I know I did!

TIP #3: ON 'DAT THESIS...
Is a continuation of TIP #2, because that's where it happens. When you're reading an article and the author says something that sparks an idea that you fall in love with. That's the golden moment, my friends. You've found your essay. Try not to worry too much about how everything is going to fit into your thesis. If you're worried about going off track then continue and adjust your thesis to match the new direction you've taken. Like the proposal, a thesis is not a promise, it's an idea. Ain't nobody holding you to it. Once you've got all your research in front of you arrange it until it looks like that great idea you had in your head, then boom. Essay.



TIP #4: ON STYLIN'...
Never underestimate the importance of style! Writing style, that is. Not only do a lot of professors (yes, outside of English) include some aspect of writing style or clarity (not to mention grammar) in their marking scheme, but bullshit inherently looks more valuable when you add a little flair. Now, I said I was going to leave out the most obvious tips, but one of the more off-kilter ways I ensure a certain quality of writing is by always making full use of the 'Ctrl + F' function. One of the easiest ways (aside from grammar) to distract from an otherwise great essay is repetition. If you know you've been using a word or a term way too much then use Ctrl + F to find out exactly where and rephrase a few of your sentences.

Also use Ctrl + F as an instant fix for your bad writing habits. We all have them. If you always use the wrong form of 'there', then use  Ctrl + F to find every single 'there', 'their' and 'they're' and make sure that they are used correctly! I use this for contractions. I'm inescapably informal in my writing, especially when it comes to contractions. It makes it easier for me to get my thoughts out and that makes my writing much clearer. But, obviously contractions are not appropriate for an academic essay, so before I hand anything in I do a quick 'Ctrl + F' for apostrophes just in case. For science reports I'll sometimes use that to find any uses of 'we' or 'our' as well. The little things count!

TIP #5: ON CUTTING-IT-CLOSE...
Always finish your essays early and give yourself at least a day to read things over and make the final edits that will take your writing from good to remarkably clear. Hello, 90. Up until this exact moment in front of your computer screen, you have not had the time or the willpower to do a single fucking thing on your essay. It might be due tomorrow. It might be due in a few hours. Either way, despite following all of my above tips, you've reached crunch time, your writing method needs to change a little.

First things first, format your entire essay (whatever you may have written) so that it is good to hand in. Make your title pages, format your text, add in those page numbers. Also make your 'Works Cited' page and put in all of your references, even the ones that you haven't used yet. If you haven't done this already it gives you a huge confidence boost to be looking at something that actually looks like a final product, even if it's only three pages of rough notes. It also makes the essay "ready to hand in" even if its still shit on a page. So if you're literally working with two hours left before the deadline, you can keep writing for as long as possible and know that at least you won't be losing any marks for incorrect formatting. It sounds kinda desperate, but at this point that is exactly what you are, so... deal.

So there you have it! Hopefully this helps someone write an amazing essay that not only gets them a good mark, but a feeling of contentedness as well. And hopefully my first How-To post went alright!

This is how confident I am in all of you! Yeah!

Now, I better get back to writing my essay...

X-MAS 2013 - A LOW DOWN.

BOOM. Christmas 2013! It happened. I made cookies. In response to my last post, I think I rose to the challenge pretty darn well and have officially regained my mojo.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL. Bonus points if you can name them all. I got carried away once I mastered the Star fleet uniform.

Overall Christmas was a success! Like last year we ended up hosting the Christmas party thing for my Dad's work. That's always kinda fun and kinda boring. It was better than last year in that there were fewer people and it was less party hardy and more relaxed in atmosphere. I actually quite enjoy entertaining because I like preparing for things and I can (rarely and when the occasion requires it) cook, so it's always fun helping out Mom with this sort of thing. The fact that Mom really loves doing it is also a huge plus. Whatever makes my mother happy inevitably makes the rest of us happy as well, even just to see her enjoying herself. WE LOVE YOU MOM.

I also spent most of Christmas playing Batman: Arkham Origins, which was a truly fantastic early Christmas present. Those games are just so wonderful. From start to finish- pure joy. This is the first game in the series where I've been taking my time with completion of the story, mainly because whenever I'm home I always worry that I'm not spending enough time with the family, and while I don't mind playing games in the living room with everyone, sometimes it can be a little distracting. It affects my immersion, man! Escapism! Anyway I might talk more about the game once I've completed the main story, until then I'm officially reserving judgement (unlike the Knight... badum-tiss).

So after all that Mom and I flew out on Boxing Day and headed up to Ottawa to break-in the new year with the boys. Here are some shots of the skies over Ottawa and two very sleepy travelers about 16 hours into their journey.

Blurry because I haven't mastered the focus on my phone camera yet. Lolz! It was very cold when we arrived. I kept warm via selfies.

The boys actually had lots of presents waiting for me under the tree, which was a lovely surprise! I'd been utterly content with Origins, but I feel that Yoshi slippers are always a plus. And more selfies!

Hilariously a lot of those presents are actually wrapped up empty boxes because Colin likes to fill up the tree with presents. But that's cool, right? If it works for the stores it works for the home! We've also started the tradition of wrapping everything. Everything. If you ask someone to pick up some coffee that's on sale it'll go under the tree for Christmas. Unwrapping things is fun!

It's been nice seeing my brothers again. Kevin's actually moving out soon, so he's been busy getting ready for that. It's strange. Until now I feel like every change that's happened has done so because it had to. We all moved out to go to university, and when both of my brothers came to Ottawa they got an apartment. It's different this time. Tensions are high. Adult life is odd.

I got my marks back from last semester! My best yet, I'm very very very pleased to say. One thing that's always fun about Dad's work gatherings is that I get to hear how he talks about me to his coworkers, and a little parental gushing is always a nice treat. All evidence indicates pride in their daughter, so it would appear that I'm doing my job there. And I finished a short story! Wild, I know. I finished my most recently started story, too. But don't get too excited, it's not really done done, just technically done in that all of the bits are written, but I'm not nearly convinced that they're written WELL yet. You'll never guess what it's about. It may involve androids, space travel, genetic engineering and discussion on the concept of humanity. Like I said, it's really rough around the edges right now but if I can finagle it into saying what I want it to say then I think it'll be something for me to be proud of. Accomplishment!

Overall: a successful Christmas.

As for New Years I have no photos and not really any stories to tell? Not a bad thing! I had a night in with the fam (or most of it). We played Catan, ate lots of food, played Animal Crossing and watched Ace Ventura. It was great! It's possible I'll have more to say about New Year's Day as it continues, but I'm hoping it'll shape up to be just as blissfully uneventful.

Deep Orchid, you are the bloom of my life.

And now, after a rather unexpected return to infrequent blogging, I give you a post. To take up where we left off, my 19th was great, I had so much fun with friends and happiness was had. The mystery gift turned out to be a talking Dalek. When you squeeze him, he says "EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!!!" and "YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD DALEK!"

Surprisingly the first shot has a way more awkward face than the theatrical grimace below. 

I also feel compelled to mention that I know, I know: power ranger Dalek, but the reality is that they were comical because they were so clearly meant for "collect them all" merchandising, and what better way to embrace that? If Doctor Who is anything, it's corny with a touch of lame, and that's why we love it!

Having a very good Thanksgiving weekend as well, and a lot of happy feelings can be attributed to the fact that I've finally had some real inspiration for writing my novel (trying so hard to say that without feeling like a twat). For a little over a year I've been trying to dig myself out of this plot-planning, world-building hole and get some actual work done. Without a doubt, all of the planning and research is important, but if you don't stop yourself it'll never end. There will always be something that you could probably flesh out a bit more before you put it into the story. No! Sometimes you just have to write the damn thing and see what wordlings come out. 

I like to say that I've been on the road to recovery for a while, but I can attribute a lot of my inspiration to the movie Looper, which I saw Saturday afternoon, and loved it despite the awkward eyebrows on Joseph Gordon Levitt. A lot of the ideas in the movie are present in my story, which I don't feel bad about, because first of all it means that they're probably pretty sweet ideas if they ended up in a cool movie, and second of all I started this story in 2010, so if I wanted to be the first to the idea (which, realistically, I wasn't in 2010) I should have maybe done a little more than I have in 24 months. (If you're interested, this picture is from what is probably the best scene in the movie. Love 'dat snappy dialogue.)

I'm at the stage where I need to turn my writing into a job, with schedules and deadlines and all that stuff, because I know that's the only way I'll ever finish anything at all. I've never been particularly skilled at schedules, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to give up. I can do it!

Also I've started watching Dexter and Andromeda, and I'm quite enjoying them both. Andromeda seems to be a proto-Firefly, so it's kind of an automatic win, and Dexter was a little surprising because ordinarily I'm not very attracted to "cop shows", but my brother insisted, and now I've found a new show!

In blog news, I think I might do a post recommending all of the webcomics I read, because that way I can justify the crazy amount of time I spend reading them.