Summer's End, New Beginnings, and Fancy-Looking Temptations.

I finally managed to find a place where the AC works, and I'm freezing cold now. Life.

So I'm not unaware that there was a distinct gap in my posts recently. The truth is very dull- nothing really happened to post about. I did find a place to live, which means that I did get to go back to Guelph to continue my education. Sometimes it seems like the world is conspiring to not get me my undergraduate degree, but if that's so then it's also true that I'm winning this battle of wills, and that's not so bad. When I think about how much my staying here at university is chance, luck, government loans and a totally modest iron will to stay, I get a little worried, and then I get very angry that this country is set up in such a way that I have to worry about being able to stay in school.

But anyway, the important thing is, my greatest and most unforgettable fuck-up has finally been corrected and I have a place to sleep! Not to worry, though, the summer has taught me that I'll never be able to live it down and escape those off-shoulder comments about my irresponsibility, and the cosmos has told that if it had an opinion, it would be that it's not forgetting any time soon because I'm living next to one of the people who put me in this position, besides myself.

I swear, this wasn't meant to be a poor-Ronnie post, that just sort of happened when my fingers hit the keyboard.

Life isn't all bad, though. Orientation Week started up at my school, and my student organization did really well! Lot's of people came to our events, a good number actually seemed interested in getting involved, and overall I'm thinking I might turn out to be a pretty swell prez. I do, however, need to work on my ability to delegate. This summer was crazy and if actual schoolwork is going to happen next week and beyond, I have to start sharing some responsibilities.

Oh yeah, and here's a little shot of what I guess is now a Kratz family tradition, the really early birthday present that I get to hold on to until September 27th. My Mom wrapped it this year. Can you tell? It's bursting with spider power.

Young Student Seeks The Creation of Accent Walls

I want a desk! I want a desk!

Does anyone else experience this lamenting struggle upon returning home from school? The September that I came to Uni my parents moved from Trinidad to Tobago, and in the process got rid of my bedroom. That sounds kind of horrible when I put it that way. It really wasn't a jumping for joy at getting rid of the last kid kind of thing (I hope), it was just something we'd been talking about and my Dad's work and all the rest of that life stuff. I sleep in the guest bedroom now.

Okay never mind it is horrible.

My brothers live in an apartment together,  so they have rooms to call their own, they have lovely, expansive desks and even desk chairs. I have a suitcase. I love my suitcase, but it's driving me!

The problem is that I live on my computer, and therefore I live at my desk. I do my work there, I write there, I have my fun there. When it isn't there I have to wander the house for a wall plug and play MMOs on the floor. Technically, my old desk from highschool is down here, in storage along with some of my belongings while another much larger chunk is in Ottawa and another much smaller chunk is in Guelph and Ronnie is somewhere between all of these places in a land called Frustration. I may or may not be sick of my transient lifestyle right now.

Which is weird! I love being on the go! I love living out of a suitcase and heading off to who knows where at the turn of a dime, but I have come to the conclusion that a home port, no matter how expensive and awkward it may seem, is really a necessary part of life. So I think that's my problem. The boy's apartment isn't home, but Tobago isn't really home anymore, either. At least, it's not as much home as it used to be. I'm only around for a few months of the year anyway. So where is home? Where is my desk? Guelph especially isn't home right now, Guelph is where I am really and truly homeless (to save on tears let's change the topic). I had always imagined that out of university I would keep this life up as best I could, and try to keep as mobile as I can, but now I want a pad. I want a crib. I want a fucking desk. When I get out of here I want to go to wherever it is that I decide I want to go after my undergrad, and I want to rent a place. I want to nest like nobody has nested before. Independence, ahoy! I'm coming after ye.

This post deals entirely with my own feelings and love of sailor slang; it has nothing whatsoever to do with my recent enjoyment of interior design blogs. Nothing at all!

Three Strikes and We're Out

As of this September, I am an only child.

It doesn't really sound too surprising that though I've known this day would come since forever, it never really clicked. I couldn't even imagine life when all of my siblings entered the brave new world that is higher education. As a little shout out to my fellow youngests, I think that being the last to leave the nest is one of the harder burdens life places on us. A family separated, even on the nicest of terms (like university) is like the leftover scraps from a Sunday roast. Those left behind after the feast huddle together in shared little containers since they don't need the big plate anymore. It's not completely over, they can still be reheated and reunited in the microwave, but it just doesn't taste the same. No matter how close it is you still spend most of your time in the refrigerator.

It's an awkward comparison when I think about it too literaly (sounds like some post-apocalyptic survivor story - screw the matrix, we're really leftovers in the fridge), but right now I feel like the scraggly strips of roast someone left behind on their plate.

In my experience the parents always cry when they drop the first born and second born and so on off at the campus, or worse (and in my case) the airport. It's the younger siblings job to look on proudly, with a smile that says 'Good job! You finally made it!' The parents will always have a harder time than the siblings. I've never been alone to deal with the parental aftermath of saying goodbye before. I came home from school and my parents were sitting around, saying nothing. I didn't figure out why until I said something and discovered the terrible echo in the house.

Last weekend we moved me into my second brothers nicer, brighter, and bigger room. I still turn the wrong way at the top of the stairs, but I'm slowly adjusting. It doesn't look like my brothers room anymore, but my ownership of it feels weirdly temporary. I suppose it is; next September my mother gets to cry her last baby goodbye. In some ways I see this as a good thing. In most ways I see this as a good thing. Other times I don't want to think about what it'll be like for my parents, that boundless pride mixed with overwhelming sadness, and dusting off another empty room every once in a while... Progress is progress, however, and growing up is impossible without the crucial 'moving on' phase. Still, I wonder how they'll fight the echo when I'm not there to be loud.

We spend a lot more time together now, I think. We watch shows (V, currently). We invite people over for dinner. We don't play cards anymore (something that was once a nightly ritual for my family). Euchre is a four person game.

It's not all doom and gloom; like I said, we hit the microwave every now and then with phone calls and the wonders of Skype. But there's an awful lot of fridge time... Then again, it's only September, and the perks of being an only child (the disappearance of the want/need barrier) are a nice comfort.

As a side, I give you a view from my new bedroom window. It looks far more impressive in real life. Still, only in Trinidad, eh?