How-To: Write a Balling Essay For Sure

Say "hello" to 14 pages of GREATNESS.

Finishing off my third year of university, I like to think that I know what's what when it comes to writing essays, and I've always wanted to start doing some 'Guide to Life' type of posts on this blog, so I thought now would be a great time!

Here are a few of my best tips for how to write an essay that you're proud of. These are just a few things that work for me personally, but who knows- maybe they'll work for you, too! I'm leaving out most of the obvious tricks, like reading it out loud to make sure it flows, and framing your quotations properly.  These are some things that I either know a lot of people don't do, or that I think should be appreciated more.

TIP #1: ON PICKING A TOPIC...
This is the only one of my tips that really depends on your situation. You don't always get to pick your topic, and the worst essays are always going to be the one's that give you no freedom to create. Even a strict outline can be killer when it comes to figuring out what you want to write about.

But, sometimes you get a wonderful class, and all you have to do is write an essay. Cherish these moments, and don't squander them! Don't just pick any old topic, really think about it! I usually sit myself down and have a serious brainstorming session. Generally I've found the perfect topic to be something that you know just enough about to know that you're interested in learning more. Avoid topics that you've done before. It may seem easier but it's going to feel like you're writing the same essay as the last time, and unless that's what you're going for, the repetition is going to kill you creatively. It's the discovery of new information and new points of view inspiring your own ideas that make essay writing fun. No, I'm serious. Essays can be fun. Say it with me. They can!

And obviously, don't worry about specificity. General topics are the best topics. Start with one theme of one book and see what small aspect you want to focus on later. Even when classes make you hand in a proposal, remember that those aren't contracts, things will change once you start writing.

TIP #2: ON TAKING NOTES...
The more you read, the better your essay will be. Again, this goes without saying. But I do have a few tips on how to make the transition from research to fabulous essay as smooth and possible.

Make sure that whatever you read- you're taking notes on it. Not only does this help when it comes time to referencing and figuring out where these ideas came from, but your essay is going to be born from your research notes. When I say that, I mean two things. First, if you write six pages of research, then that's effectively six pages of your essay already written, and you haven't even started it yet. Second, and my most important trick, is to write down and explain everything. Don't just take notes about what the author is saying in the article, write down what you think. Interpret. Criticize. Relate it to the work your studying right there in the notes. This is where your notes become your essay, and this is where those interesting ideas are forming in your head. Write down every thought process exactly where it happened, and under what article.

If you're feeling brave, multi-task with Elementary! I'm sure you'll get TONS of work done! I know I did!

TIP #3: ON 'DAT THESIS...
Is a continuation of TIP #2, because that's where it happens. When you're reading an article and the author says something that sparks an idea that you fall in love with. That's the golden moment, my friends. You've found your essay. Try not to worry too much about how everything is going to fit into your thesis. If you're worried about going off track then continue and adjust your thesis to match the new direction you've taken. Like the proposal, a thesis is not a promise, it's an idea. Ain't nobody holding you to it. Once you've got all your research in front of you arrange it until it looks like that great idea you had in your head, then boom. Essay.



TIP #4: ON STYLIN'...
Never underestimate the importance of style! Writing style, that is. Not only do a lot of professors (yes, outside of English) include some aspect of writing style or clarity (not to mention grammar) in their marking scheme, but bullshit inherently looks more valuable when you add a little flair. Now, I said I was going to leave out the most obvious tips, but one of the more off-kilter ways I ensure a certain quality of writing is by always making full use of the 'Ctrl + F' function. One of the easiest ways (aside from grammar) to distract from an otherwise great essay is repetition. If you know you've been using a word or a term way too much then use Ctrl + F to find out exactly where and rephrase a few of your sentences.

Also use Ctrl + F as an instant fix for your bad writing habits. We all have them. If you always use the wrong form of 'there', then use  Ctrl + F to find every single 'there', 'their' and 'they're' and make sure that they are used correctly! I use this for contractions. I'm inescapably informal in my writing, especially when it comes to contractions. It makes it easier for me to get my thoughts out and that makes my writing much clearer. But, obviously contractions are not appropriate for an academic essay, so before I hand anything in I do a quick 'Ctrl + F' for apostrophes just in case. For science reports I'll sometimes use that to find any uses of 'we' or 'our' as well. The little things count!

TIP #5: ON CUTTING-IT-CLOSE...
Always finish your essays early and give yourself at least a day to read things over and make the final edits that will take your writing from good to remarkably clear. Hello, 90. Up until this exact moment in front of your computer screen, you have not had the time or the willpower to do a single fucking thing on your essay. It might be due tomorrow. It might be due in a few hours. Either way, despite following all of my above tips, you've reached crunch time, your writing method needs to change a little.

First things first, format your entire essay (whatever you may have written) so that it is good to hand in. Make your title pages, format your text, add in those page numbers. Also make your 'Works Cited' page and put in all of your references, even the ones that you haven't used yet. If you haven't done this already it gives you a huge confidence boost to be looking at something that actually looks like a final product, even if it's only three pages of rough notes. It also makes the essay "ready to hand in" even if its still shit on a page. So if you're literally working with two hours left before the deadline, you can keep writing for as long as possible and know that at least you won't be losing any marks for incorrect formatting. It sounds kinda desperate, but at this point that is exactly what you are, so... deal.

So there you have it! Hopefully this helps someone write an amazing essay that not only gets them a good mark, but a feeling of contentedness as well. And hopefully my first How-To post went alright!

This is how confident I am in all of you! Yeah!

Now, I better get back to writing my essay...