Pain and Suffering had a lovechild called Disease, and it's currently residing in my sinuses.

                Life happened this weekend, and it was just too hardcore for me. On Friday night, what was supposed to be a quiet night in with friends turned into alcohol, straight up. The strangest thing is, it wasn't even like our usually get togethers with all of us sitting around slurring a hilarious commentary on the Lord of the Rings films. I'm not going to lie, we didn't even finish The Hobbit.

                This isn't to say that it wasn't still a fun night. From what I can remember wonderful times were had, and that's a certainty. If I'm honest, I'm not sure if I've ever been to that state of inebriation before, but I could be wrong. It's more from the description of the events afterward that lead me to this conclusion, rather than my memories of the night itself. I do remember that we unfortunately went on twitter.

Luckily my more sober friends didn't let me tweet this little gem. But I kid, this picture actually wasn't taken with twitter in mind, it was taken for this blog! Yup. I wanted to make sure that I got evidence of last Friday night for all the internet (and mostly me, a few years down the road) to see. Forever. What a treat. The picture actually makes it look like I was drinking alone (never a good thing to do), so I'll include another one: 

See? I had Bilbo! Bilbo was there! But seriously, I wasn't alone.

... I WAS WITH A CAT! No but really, I'm only joshing you. That's my friend's cat. Ain't she adorable? I'm a dog person but that cat is cute. Seriously though it wasn't just me the cat and Bilbo.

There you go. I don't have three hands. This could not have been faked. I was going to put a few more up with some faces, but I feel like I should ask permission before doing that. Also I feel I should mention that my hair was wet, and that's why it looks all funny. What else do you do when drunk during a t-storm but go outside for a Natalie Portman moment in the rain?

                But enough about that. I haven't even come to the main event yet. On Saturday morning, not only did I awaken with a lovely aching of the head, but I was downright sick as a dog. You should understand, because I'm not sure if I've mentioned before, that I do not get sick. Ever. It's just not a thing  that happens to me with any sort of frequency. I feel like maybe once a year is a good estimate. But right now, as I type this, I am SO FUCKING ILL. My throat is on fire with every breath that I take and my sinuses are congested to bursting. From the constant tissues, the whole area around my nose is burning, along with some of my upper lip. In short I am miserable. And short. Saturday night I even had a fever. This is really not funny. This is not a pretty picture. This, future me, is the time when you got so drunk that your immune system took a night off during back-to-school sickness season. I hope that I remember this occasion of suffering for all time.

                But here, ladies and gentlemen, is the rub- next Friday night is my birthday, which either means that I'm going to (and I sincerely, desperately hope that I won't) do this all over again, or that I'm going to spend my twentieth nursing my sinuses and conserving my speech, because it hurts so much to talk. At least I'll finally know what's in that goddamn Spider-man bag. I think it's a book. Oh, and the other rub is that I have to go through a three hour botany lab today in a forest. Considering how weak and fumbling my person currently is, I will honestly be amazing if I can survive this, and I'll be gobsmacked if I can then return home and finish this English assignment for tomorrow.

                 There's a few lessons to be learned here, I do believe. The first is that you should never, ever drink when there's even a chance that you're fighting back some godawful disease. The second is more something for me to keep in mind for the future, I think my idea of a good time does not involve copious amounts of booze. If there's one thing I do remember from the night it's an extreme annoyance that we were all too drunk to finish watching The Hobbit. Moderation is key, because otherwise sitting down becomes more amusing than actually watching a film, and that's just a waste of time.

Perpockemint

Have you ever noticed that female clothing - pyjamas in particular - never seems to have any pockets? Whereas the male equivalent always has a ridiculous amount of pocket-space. I'm not really going into a big rant about the gender inequality of pyjama pockets here, I'm more just complaining about me not having anywhere to put my half-used tissue in the morning.

It's like whoever made these clothes just assumes that we don't need pockets. That we're never going to throw our cellphones in there, and we're never going to be in the situation where someone gives us something that we really don't want at the moment. At the very least, we'll never be in these situations while in our pyjamas. But the thing is that while in pajamas you're in your pocket-needing prime! It's the time of the day when you're least likely to have a bag or a jacket or something WITH pockets around you.

I have two older brothers, so my whole life I've been getting their old stuff, which of course includes pyjamas, so I can say (at least from my own experience) that I have only very rarely come across a pair of boys pyjama bottoms without pockets. Alternatively, I have only very rarely come across a pair of girls pyjama bottoms with pockets.

Also, pyjamas is spelt with a 'y'. What the fuck.

So I figure there must be some sort of explanation for this. Maybe we're supposed to keep things somewhere other than conveniently placed folds of fabric. My first thought is that we could put stuff in our bras (you know, the way the bad girls do it on tv?). But then that theory's dead because most females don't wear bras with their pyjamas (plus we can't all be bad). I suppose house coats have pockets, but I live in the Caribbean, so fuck anyone who wants me to run around in a fucking house coat all day.

The thing is that even if this problem with pyjamas could be sorted, I keep noticing that more and more of my normal clothes have no pockets in them. Either I'm a very unlucky buyer or there's some kind of pattern here! Even my school uniform has no pockets! School, the number one place for random odds and ends that you don't need right then but will probably need in a second!

I'm a hands-constantly-in-pockets person too, so when I find myself in a situation with no pockets, my hands get confused with the lack of a place to be, and I end up looking like I'm having some sort of fit.

I think the only real solution to this is to ban all non-pocket-having clothing. Really, is it that much of a hassle to throw some pockets in there? What kind of a world is this where you can't even get a pair of pajamas with some decent pockets in them?

(Answer: A world where laundry doers needn't fear the dreaded kleenix bits all over everything.)